Silent Sunday 28/11/10

King size bed.

Black and white

My contribution to Tara’s Gallery this week. It's late as I spent the day travelling to Maryland!

I am ready to write this post. I don’t want to cause a debate so I will tell you now, it’s about breastfeeding. Or not breastfeeding, more to the point.

This photo was taken during a ‘good’ feed. One of the feeds which made me think “oh, THIS is how it should be, this is what it means to truly feed my baby”… rest assured, the rest of the feeds that day would have been hell and stopping breastfeeding was one of the most traumatic things I’ve ever done.

Let me rewind :)

I was definitely going to breastfeed, in the same way that I was definitely going to have a home birth and I was definitely going to use reusable nappies and I was definitely NEVER going to let my child eat their dinner and watch TV… I DO still use reusable nappies!

A combination of a 10lb 8oz baby, big boobs, flat nipples, poor latch, lack of support (I live in Scotland and my family are in England plus T was born 6 days before Christmas and the midwives were short-staffed due to a sickness bug), mastitis and constant feeding, meant that my breastfeeding days were over when T was only 12 days old. I was sensible enough to realise that feeling resentful every time this tiny creature with gnashing jaws came anywhere near me was probably not healthy and with much soul searching and self-flagellation, I stopped.

You would think that was the end of it but I felt guilty for months. All around me people were breastfeeding their babies, people were struggling and getting through it, others had babies with perfect latches who couldn’t understand why anyone wouldn’t do it. Labour? I would do labour again in a second, but breastfeeding? Not a chance! I questioned myself. Had I done the right thing? Maybe if I had just tried a bit harder…

As part of my doula training I had to look back on my own birth and breastfeeding experiences. I had a great birth experience, not a textbook ‘perfect’ birth, but a positive empowering experience. If only I could get over this breastfeeding thing. When T was almost a year old I went on a breastfeeding course and spent a day surrounded by women who could breastfeed, had breastfed and who felt that everyone should be able to breastfeed. We spent time talking through how you do it, what difficulties you may come across and how you can support women who are having issues. I came home from that day and cried. Not because I had done any wrong, because I finally realised that I’d done nothing wrong. I had looked for help, I tried different things, I tried to express milk, I tried supplementing and in the end, it didn’t work for me. My baby was happy and healthy and, most importantly, we did and still do share a bond.

Looking back, I understand that I was never judged by anyone except myself, and I have learnt to realise that the best-laid plans all go to pot in this world of parenting :) I also realised that the world of breast versus fomula is not always black and white!

Silent Sunday

An apology for David...

I've got a confession to make... I like Take That. No, scrub that, I LOVE Take That! I decided to turn my random musings into a blog post because I'm boring my husband. I think my love of TT is under control, not an obsession, just a rumbling undercurrent. David thinks otherwise. He thinks I'm insane.

OK, I admit, the current album release and the recent onstage performances may have made me slightly more vocal than normal, but obsessed?

Really?

I think its incredibly important for David to know the intricacies of the Never Forget performance on Children in Need. After all, he is the one always reminding me of how he missed out on the UK '80s and '90s due to living in the US. It is surely my DUTY to keep him fully informed of happenings in my 17 year 'career' as a TT fan.

Well, that's what I believe anyway.

So, David, I'm sorry. You know I love you, that I'm proud of you and I want you to be mine forever... You just might (will probably) end up with a wife who goes to concerts and screams like a 17 year old when she's 50, maybe even 60, let's hope I'm over it by 70!

Oh, and I like the new album... but I'm not feeling the Robbie love in the live performances... :)

This is my lovely husband and baby watching Fireman Sam, not Take That. One day I hope they watch Take That performances with such solemnity...

I love Lego...

I wasn't going to post this week but having seen all the other brilliant posts for Tara's Gallery, I just wanted to contribute. I posted one of these photos before but here is the series. Thomas got a bit carried away by the Lego bowl at the Science Museum - David laughing makes me laugh the most :)

I love the bewildered look he gives the Lego afterwards...