#Silent Sunday

One month on...

Tyler is one month old tomorrow! How time flies.

I could make this post all about breastfeeding. I am hugely proud of the fact that I have managed to establish breastfeeding this time round. Some of you know I really struggled with Thomas (as I spoke about here), and I then struggled with the guilt of not having breastfed him… I can honestly say that now I have managed to breastfeed, I am totally over any residual guilt I felt about Thomas! Tyler had a great latch from the outset (unlike Thomas) and I still really struggled in the first few weeks. The first week was hell as my milk didn't truly kick in until day 4 and this 10lb 3oz baby jumped out of the womb screaming for milk! I hibernated and stayed in bed with Tyler for three days (thank you wonderful midwives for insisting I must!), breastfeeding hurt and it was constant. It is still pretty constant but it doesn't hurt any more. My nipples were cracked and sore but never bled like they did with Thomas. This time round I had a lot of people to talk to and I was psychologically prepared for it being hard and constant, and still, it was harder than I had ever imagined, and I'd already been through it once! I think without Soothies, breast shields, Lansinoh and My Brest Friend, I would have given up. But I didn't! Go me :)

This time round I didn't get the 'baby blues' like I had with Thomas. I was very fortunate for my Mum & Dad to be around for the first week as well as David. My Mum did everything for me; washing, cooking, cleaning, and helped in so many ways that I will be eternally grateful for. Dad was around to entertain Thomas, which was great, especially when David went out. I was so sad when they had to leave but thankfully this time round I had recovered from the birth and felt I could manage (with Thomas she left after three days as Christmas was fast approaching and I was so unprepared for her leaving!). David made me breakfast in bed every day and looked after Thomas. Antonette took my placenta and made it into capsules for me to take each day to balance the hormones… I was completely cared for and had a brilliant babymoon. [except for the painful boobs!]

It seems my hormonal surges come in the form of feeling extreme guilt towards Thomas. So much time is spent nursing and I struggled with how little time I had left for Thomas. He has adapted so well and loves his baby brother so much. I am incredibly lucky to have such a loving son and his reaction to Tyler has made the transition to a family of four so much easier. I just have my moments where I feel guilty that he didn't ask for his world to be changed so completely. He was quite happy to be the centre of attention for his Mummy and Daddy! I know he wouldn't change it for the world and I am the one who feels guilty, not because of anything Thomas has said or done, just because it's my way of dealing with the shock of introducing another person to our family!

The actual part about having a new baby is easy! Been there, done that. Cloth nappies are back in action, the Ergo is out, the exercise ball is getting used more now than during pregnancy, the Tummy Tub is in use. Tyler is like a mini-Thomas and freakily looks so similar sometimes. I still find myself calling him Thomas occasionally!

So, one month on… David has gone back to work, my boobs finally don't hurt, Tyler is thriving, Thomas is beautiful, I'm very tired from 4pm until bedtime, and then through the night if Tyler doesn't sleep! We're getting out a bit more and I'm feeling more confident about being a mummy of two…

If I'm being completely honest, I love it. This is what I was born to do :)