Shebnem's poem

My beautiful doula friends gave me a mini-Blessingway / leaving party this afternoon. I feel so incredibly lucky to have these women in my life. Shebnem wrote me a poem. I've never had a poem written for me before and words cannot express how much this means to me. It is also an absolutely beautiful piece of writing so I asked for permission to share it with you...

Here I stand again
On the banks of this river
Been here, done this before
Must have liked it the first time round
I came back for more

Soon I'll kick off my shoes
And dip my feet into its soft coolness
And then one step at a time...

I do remember the chill though
The stones cutting into my soles
The water running through my fingers
     Me gently turning
         Falling
            Turning into
               An eddy

And yet
Not all is the same
Can't remember that elder up there
Bent under the weight of its berries
There were no damsels flying by for sure
And not even a feather of this kingfisher

Maybe it was a different season?
Maybe I was a different person
They say - one can't swim in the same river twice

This time round
The sun is spilling over the leaves above
And raining on me like laughter
Bouncing on the drops on my shoulders

This time round
I do see those huge solid rocks
Rapids veiling their long green hair
I know exactly where to find
The smoothest, shiniest pebbles
And the softest, warmest current
To wrap around me like a rebozo
I'm pretty sure - I can't swim in the same river twice

This time round
I'll let the river swell
And I'll swell with it
I'll grow BIG with the river
For this is the river that feeds
     Lullabies
       Orchards
         Vineyards
            Elderberries

So I'll let it flow into
My belly, my breasts, my heart
I'll let it pour out off
My belly, my breasts, my heart
As bright as this light
As clear as these drops
As surely as these rocks

I am
As yet
In the uncharted territory
Of my motherhoodland
And see,
I just can't swim in the same river twice!

                                     Sebnem Susam-Sarajeva
                                     Edinburgh, 23.6.2011

The random questions in my head...

I finish work in less than two weeks, leave Glasgow in five weeks and move to Maryland in August. It's all becoming a bit real and, as a consequence, I find myself thinking about lots of things. You would think they were big, life changing things... but no... here's a random delve into the questions which I find floating around my head:

Who will cut my hair?

Do people hang their washing outside?

Will Thomas call me Mom?

Will David revert to his pseudo-American accent?

What washing powder is most similar to Persil?

Shall I get a dog?

What is the equivalent to Burts Bees?

How can I play Scrabble online when the Facebook version doesn’t work?

Will an Ikea sofa be comfortable?

How many BBQs are acceptable when it’s sunny every single day in the summer…?

Should I change my ideas for baby names to ones more appropriate for the US? After all, Thomas was number 63 in the US boy chart last year, compared to 3 in the UK chart. Maybe I should be thinking more along the lines of Chuck, Tyler, Harrison... [forgive the lack of girl names, I'm convinced I'm having another boy!].


If anyone has the answer to these questions, or have any slightly more important questions they feel I should be asking, please let me know!


Also, here are just a couple of photos of my beautiful boy :)

#SilentSunday