Shebnem's poem

My beautiful doula friends gave me a mini-Blessingway / leaving party this afternoon. I feel so incredibly lucky to have these women in my life. Shebnem wrote me a poem. I've never had a poem written for me before and words cannot express how much this means to me. It is also an absolutely beautiful piece of writing so I asked for permission to share it with you...

Here I stand again
On the banks of this river
Been here, done this before
Must have liked it the first time round
I came back for more

Soon I'll kick off my shoes
And dip my feet into its soft coolness
And then one step at a time...

I do remember the chill though
The stones cutting into my soles
The water running through my fingers
     Me gently turning
         Falling
            Turning into
               An eddy

And yet
Not all is the same
Can't remember that elder up there
Bent under the weight of its berries
There were no damsels flying by for sure
And not even a feather of this kingfisher

Maybe it was a different season?
Maybe I was a different person
They say - one can't swim in the same river twice

This time round
The sun is spilling over the leaves above
And raining on me like laughter
Bouncing on the drops on my shoulders

This time round
I do see those huge solid rocks
Rapids veiling their long green hair
I know exactly where to find
The smoothest, shiniest pebbles
And the softest, warmest current
To wrap around me like a rebozo
I'm pretty sure - I can't swim in the same river twice

This time round
I'll let the river swell
And I'll swell with it
I'll grow BIG with the river
For this is the river that feeds
     Lullabies
       Orchards
         Vineyards
            Elderberries

So I'll let it flow into
My belly, my breasts, my heart
I'll let it pour out off
My belly, my breasts, my heart
As bright as this light
As clear as these drops
As surely as these rocks

I am
As yet
In the uncharted territory
Of my motherhoodland
And see,
I just can't swim in the same river twice!

                                     Sebnem Susam-Sarajeva
                                     Edinburgh, 23.6.2011