Emotions

This week, Tara at Sticky Fingers has teamed up the Gallery with the Writing Workshop hosted by Josie at Sleep is for the Weak. The task? Emotions. It's a tough one! Here is my contribution...

My mum always used to tell me that I could never hide how I was feeling. All she had to do was look into my eyes and she knew if I was OK or not. I think that is still true.

Since having T my emotions have gone all over the place. Before I would get upset about things but I'd keep myself in check. Now I sob at the slightest thing - sad films, happy news, frustration...

But these days I just don't care so much. The fact that I can look at my son and be overwhelmed with love for him, so much that it makes me cry, how can it be wrong to feel that sort of emotion?

And Thomas? Well, these photos say it all. The excitement of Grandad showing him how to water the plants; the sheer joy at watering the plants; the happiness when he realises he can REFILL the watering can! Emotions on a different level. A level so innocent, it makes me cry...

Creatures

This is my contribution to the Gallery this week - subject: Creatures!

What is it?

A sheep! Apparently...

:-)

Motherhood

This is my contribution to this week's Gallery by Tara over at Sticky Fingers.

I don't think I can easily write about what motherhood means to me. It was so powerful. That moment of becoming a mother, when suddenly this little person appeared and all he needed was me. My heart burst and I was overwhelmed.

The journey to becoming a 'mum' was hard and it was painful. I thought I'd be a natural, having grown up with so many nieces and nephews, but breastfeeding was impossible, doing anything was impossible, taking a shower would be the one solitary thing I managed to do each day. And then it got better... it got easier. It was still hard but it was difficult for different reasons. I was now confident. I knew I could do it and I knew that I was good at it. I could take him out for an afternoon and it would all be OK. We could even get on a bus and go into town, imagine!

Now motherhood is the wonderment I feel when I watch him explore and discover. So many things for him to learn, and excitement to be found everywhere. I care for him, I play with him and I try and teach him.

This photo was taken at Millport. He had the whole beach to look at, the rocks to explore, other kids to play with, so what did he do? He sat in the grass and gazed in amazement at the kernels. He amazes me :-)

What do boys play with?

What do boys play with? Having spent plenty of time with my nieces, this was the problem I was faced with when we discovered I was having a boy. I worried! Girls play with dolls, and dress like fairies, and have tea parties. Boys? What do boys do?

I grew up with three brothers and was more of a tomboy than a girly girl so I don't know why I worried!

It turns out my husband knows EXACTLY what Thomas wants to play with. Always has. "Maybe he'd like a ball" - he loved the ball. "Maybe he'd like a drum" - he loved the drum. "Maybe we should get some Lego" ... you get the drift don't you?

My husband is brilliant. He knows exactly what Thomas wants. Books, toys, clothes. He always gets it right and that is part of what makes him a brilliant dad.

What do I think now about having a boy? I think it is brilliant :-)

This is my entry for Tara's Gallery this week - the topic was 'Still life'. Lego Man was pretty still at the time...

Maternity leave

The theme for the gallery this week is 'Friendship'. I couldn't decide what to do so here I go...

This time last year I was on maternity leave…

Since the sun has started shining and the days have got longer, I find myself thinking back to last year so much. I miss it so much! There are many reasons why I miss it including:

1. Not having to get up for work

2. Not having to get up and get ready for work

3. Not having to get up for work, get ready for work and get Thomas ready for nursery

4. Planning days around where to walk to, where to have coffee, which cake to try…

There are, however, two main reasons I miss it.

I found myself a great group of first time mothers to share the whole experience with. We met through yoga, breastfeeding workshops, NCT, the internet, and came together and spent one summer experiencing the world as new mothers. There was always someone to listen, someone to care, and someone to moan to. We came from all walks of life but none of that mattered because we were all learning the same thing, how to be parents. Pregnancy, labour and birth became a distant memory as the summer months approached (an added bonus from having Christmas babies!). We spent our days in the sunshine, or in the rain, pushing our prams around Glasgow’s Southside, from one park to the next. We learnt about each other as well as about motherhood and our friendships grew.

Come September I went back to work. Thomas thrived at nursery but I was only part-time to begin with so I still got to meet up with my mummy friends. Then they all started going back to work, one by one our days off altered, less people were around, and the group got smaller. Now we only catch up occasionally – like this weekend at the Southside festival in Queens Park. We laughed, we chatted and we reminisced about last summer. These women will always be part of my heart, because they shared a huge part of my life, my journey to becoming a mother. Learning that it was OK to sometimes make mistakes, to sometimes feel sad, to sometimes be so happy your heart could burst. I am proud and privileged to call them my friends.

Secondly – Thomas. I miss him. I miss the dynamics of me and him against the world. He is my friend.

The world from my arm - self-portrait

I've decided to join in with The Gallery, hosted by Tara @ Sticky Fingers. This week: self-portrait...

I take a lot of photos. A LOT of photos some would say! I'm very aware that I'm not in many of them and I also know how much I like to look back on my family photos and see how my mum looked when she was younger, so I try really hard to make sure I'm in at least a few photos of my own. So here goes:

Me with my new (bad) hair cut/colour. The view of me often seen when my camera is with me:

The, often taken, me and Thomas shots:

The family shots:

And then the photos which make me look terrible, but capture a moment and therefore can't get deleted...

Hopefully, there will be enough for photos for me to look back on in years to come and say "my hair! WHAT was I thinking?!".

I'm going to do a run...

Wait, let me type that again...

I'm going to do a run.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! The last time I properly decided that running was the best form of exercise was when I still smoked quite a lot, lived in Birmingham, and didn't actually have that big a bottom. It was torture. We lasted a few weeks, until one of my fit friends came to stay and came out jogging with us and showed us how she could walk quicker than we were running. That was the end of that!

So now, a few years later, I'm actually going to do a proper run. I'm registered! The Glasgow Big Fun Run (5K) takes place on 24th July in Bellahouston Park and I am GOING TO RUN IT. Apparently. No, I am. Seriously, I AM! In order to take things a bit more seriously this time, I have decided to fundraise for Sands. Sands is an organisation which supports people after the death of a baby during pregnancy or at/after birth. The charity was set up by bereaved parents in 1978 and works hard to help the people who have to deal with such a devastating experience. As a trainee doula the world of pregnancy and birth is hugely important to me, that is why I chose to support Sands.

I went for a run today. Actually, rephrase - I took Thomas for a run! What a sight we must have been at 8am, running for 2 minutes, walking for 4, running for 2, walking for 4. Four times. My legs were very wobbly at the end and my face was as red as my hair for an hour after! OK - note to self - no deciding that 'running at lunchtime at work' is a good idea. My red face would stand out a mile for too long after!

Second note to self - time to go brown :-)